A Storm Blew In…

Last night, a few hours ago, various types of storms blew in from all directions. It is 3.30 am, and I am typing a post! I am doing this because it is fresh in my mind or is it because my mind is still fairly fresh? The obvious part of this story is the real cold front that reached us last night, and came in with a huff and a puff, strong winds, temperature dropped by 10 degrees C, but not much else so far. In Cape Town, there is localized flooding, some areas are getting snow, I expected more, but maybe this part is still coming.   Another storm came in the form of mommy. We were both excited, well, I was from early Friday, also anxious, because of the issues with all the airplanes in the world, you get nervous, and just want her to be back home. In any case, I think our 13 month son picked up on the excitement and also seemed to be excited yesterday. Mom arrived and I kept him awake for it, as she walked in, he came around the corner and froze. Mom, in tears and overjoyed, grabbed him, hugged and kisses followed. He was just stunned at the rush of estrogen in the house. After about 10 minutes, his little brain computed what had just happened and he suddenly started running and then came and stood in front of us, smiling and grabbing mom by the legs, ran away again, came back, same procedure. There is something else that happened, the family is back together, I am not a single parent anymore, I am a husband and a dad. To that end, a few thoughts. For a week, and this is very nearly every week, I make decisions around our son, suddenly another decision-maker is in the house. This normally is not an issue, as mom falls in with what is happening and we are fairly aligned with things involving our son. She does do things a little different, which is not bad, in fact, I think it is great for both the boys. Although there is a deep bond between the boys, there is the wonderful bond of "a mother and child", I saw that last night again and I just realized how important the loving touches are for him and me. I would not be surprised to know that a man developed the "King size bed". Not sure how many men get allocated 1/3rd of the bed in the bedroom, I know my dad always joked about that, but after sleeping alone, suddenly we are in the same bed again, takes some getting used to. She slept like a log on her 2/3rd, I slept 1 and half hours on my bit. I am not complaining, just saying. The best part is not having to be there all the time for at least 48 hours, giving me a little break, mentally, but this is also something to get used to for both of us, because mom need to realize that a toddler is busy, especially those little hands. I guess my point in this post would be that a traveling, working parent brings other factors into the equation. It is not just the bonding and giving parents and child a chance to bond again that is important, it is the constant changes in the household, between the parents and not to mention the growing and ever-changing toddler, what is good today, may not be tomorrow. We are lucky to have a 17 year start on our marriage, but still, it is a constant process of talking, understanding, compromising, making little adjustments within a fluid environment of being parents and spouses.

White-faced Duck (Dendrosygna viduata)

Found throughout Africa, south of the Sahara, except a few drier areas like Namibia and Northern Cape province of South Africa.

Chestnut brown color with diagnostic white face and they stand very erect. They also have fine barred flanks, which can only be seen close-up.

Beautiful duck and at the time we saw them, we also saw a little meet and greet as 2 ducks met up with a third.

Unfortunately I was not able to get nice pics on the point and shoot when I saw one on the water, but still makes a nice scene.

Some Previous birding post:

Pale-chanting Goshawk

Cape Spurfowl

The Core of US...part 1 (Life)

On the tip of South Africa is a place called L' Agulhas, and next to it Struis Bay. L 'Agulhas point is where the warm currents of Indian and the cold currents of the Atlantic ocean meet. It is also the place we call home in our hearts for many reasons.         

It is a place that represents love, life, laughter, bliss, intense pain, heartache, loss and all the other human emotions not mentioned. Our story begin approximately 40 years ago, for one of us, in any case, and got richer as time past.

Long before I knew my husband, I went to Struis Bay for the holidays every December and January. My dad hooked up the old caravan on to the 1965 Mercedes, and we started the 3 hour drive to our annual spot. The Merc was an old fin-tail model and I was highly embarrassed that my dad drove such an old car.

I though it was the ugliest car in the world and to this day I have not developed an appreciation for cars of that era.

The trip took us over the Helderberg pass from Cape Town, through the fruit orchards, apples mostly, of the Grabouw region, to a town called Caledon, in the Overberg (Wheat growing region). From here you turn off the main route and drive down to the coast.

We spend our Christmas and New Year in Struis Bay's caravan park. I remember the dances on Fridays and Saturdays, the little natural Harbour and the smell of fish being offloaded (Yellowtail in that part the year) and buying it fresh from the boat.

Lazing my days on the beach, the longest in the Southern Hemisphere of 14 kilometers, and how peaceful was the early morning or late afternoon walks on the beach, and yes a few holiday flings too.

My dad always booked our "spot" for the next year, the day when we left. It was always the exact same stand and many of our "neighbors" did the same, resulting in the same people coming back year after year. We always arrived when the caravan park was close to full and left when it was empty. It was always strange to get used to the hustle and bustle and once you get used to it, there was a sense of loss when everyone departed in the first week of the year. We always stayed until the middle of January. I only later (in my teenage years) came to appreciate the wonderful feeling of having the beach to yourself, doing my own thing and being able to be content with my own company.

In 1993, after my dad's retirement, and some family discussion, my parents decided to permanently move to Struis Bay and bought a plot and built a small 2 bedroom home on it. They moved to Struis Bay in 1995.

In part 2, Love, we tell the continuing story of our deep relationship with Struis Bay.

Postcards from a traveling Mom.

I have just returned from a 7 day work trip. This time not far,  just to another city in our country, but when you are away from home, the distance does not really matter, except that you can get home faster in an emergency, if you are closer.

As you would have realized, if you have read my husbands posts before, I have the most wonderful and supportive husband who looks after our one year old on a full-time basis,  while I work full-time. Every now and then I am reminded of  how lucky I am to have him around.

This week I had a conversation with a colleague, who as a single parent who also travels for work and have to rely on a live in nanny to look after her toddler. She told me that she is about to fire the nanny as she came home every day the last week to a toddler with soaked clothes. Her daughter has regressed a little with her potty training  and she asked the nanny to just take her to the loo every hour and a half so that she does not have these accidents. My colleague told me how upset she was to find the child every night with every layer of clothing soaked through. I wanted to cry on her behalf. It must be heartbreaking to have to leave your child with someone, just to find out that this heartless individual does not give a hoot. So, although my husband and I some times have to deal with insensitive comments of people who does not understand our situation, we are very lucky that at least one of us can be the primary caregiver.

It is not easy to leave my family to travel for work, but it is what it is and for me to change jobs to find one does not require traveling, I would have to uproot my family and move to a big city, as there is not enough jobs around here for me, that would allow me to support my family. In a big city my son would not have the same quality environment to grow up in. I choose at this stage not to do so.

When I returned to work after my maternity leave and had to start traveling again, I thought that I would feel guilty all the time while being away, but this did not happen. Do not get me wrong, it is hard to say goodbye. Most of the time that I walk from the security check to the boarding gate, I struggle to hold the tears back, but when I board that plane, I remind myself that my job is to ensure that my beautiful son has food to feed him in his high chair, has a roof over his head and that we can send him to school and university one day. I am so grateful that I have a job that I love and a family that loves and support me at home.

Time to go and do some laundry so that I can pack my suitcase tonight. Off again tomorrow on the 6am flight. Until another time...

Moonshine, Dolphins, Birds, Rocks and Walks

It occurred to us that we have not really introduced "our rumbling ocean" in pictures to you. We bought our house 2009/10, on the Eastern Cape sunshine coast. We fell in love with the region immediately as it reminded us of our other favorite place in the Western Cape province of South Africa, where I asked my wife to marry me.

We have a fairly nice view of the ocean from our deck, where we sit on every occasion we can, and we even give our son breakfast there.

[caption id="attachment_443" align="aligncenter" width="474"] View[/caption]

Our favorite thing to do, is taking walks whenever we can. I take our son in the stroller for as many walks as I can, when we have good weather, which is often, as he enjoys it and you will or have seen many pictures of him in the stroller.

[caption id="attachment_444" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Walking[/caption]

We are also lucky to have great big pods of dolphins frequenting coast, swimming up and down the coast, hunting, every day. This time of the year the whales also come down the coast and a little later we see them with their calves.

[caption id="attachment_449" align="aligncenter" width="474"] dolphins[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_450" align="alignnone" width="474"] Southern right whale[/caption]

We have a nice variety of bird life both at the coast and inland in natural protected forests surrounding us.

At night the ocean can become a little town by itself, as the squid fisherman with their strong lights come fishing, we have counted upwards of 60 boats at times.

In essence that is our rumbling ocean with a final note on the beach right in front of our house. It is not a beach, but rocky ocean front, that attracts many fisherman, but we luckily do not have a massive contingent of holiday makers near us every year, the beach is about a kilometer further away, making this a quiet place even in summer holidays. Here are some more pictures of that rocky coastline responsible for the rumble, sundown from the deck and moonshine.

Rotating between husband and single parent

Let's state facts first, my wife has a very demanding job, taking her away from home on a regular basis, but also meaning long hours when she is at home. I have actively supported, with pride, her career development, moving several times in the process for the last 10 years. Our closest family is 4 hours drive away and we have very few friends, long-term or close by, due to regularly having to move. We have a 12 month old son.

This is not a sob story, or a moan session.

I have always had the attitude, in making decisions, of taking all into account, usually we do this by doing a list of pro's and negatives, and once taken, I do not second guess myself, at least not if I did follow the process. Both being University graduates, a day would inevitably come that one of us would get a shot at progressing to a higher level in our careers, and this was destined for my wife. We were married 7 years, and taking the opportunity meant moving a 1000 km away from where we grew up as children, our family and friends.

I guess this was the toughest decision to take, but we took it, no regrets. It meant I had to do freelance, or projects that gave me flexibility, so at a stage I went into being an estate agent, when the market was very bad as well. We moved again and again, ending were we are now at the rumbling ocean, for the time being. The latest move, also coincided with her being at head office and having to travel extensively out of the country to other African countries and Asia.

Then came the news that after 16 years, we were going to be parents. And 18 months on, Boeta is already 12 months old. I am now a full-time daddy at home. I am lucky to have been prepared for being at home alone for a while, so I had no doubts that I would be able to handle the new addition, and I am.

From 4 months, when I took over as full-time dad, I set a routine, which evolved, but basically means that he gets up at 5 am with us, sleeps at 8 again, 1 pm and then anything from 7 pm, through the night. This was to create a platform for my wife to spend time with her son. Never mind the particulars of the routine, I find it helps even if she is not home, because it provides consistency, within which I can operate doing my other things like washing, cooking, building the kitchen (slow crawl to be exact) and other activities I need to do.   To my mind it creates two constants, me and a routine.

I use the TV (yes) as an additional helper, play prerecorded  kids education stories between breakfast and nap time (usually the period when mom leaves) and between dinner and bath time, the rest of the day kiddies songs or soft music are a constant, which I find calms him and although he seems to ignore it, he plays with and inspects his toys without much fuss, until the music stops, he immediately starts looking for me. This is not to say, I leave him alone, not at all, I am always either playing or doing things with him or in eye contact away from him. For us, me and him, it works.

The old saying if you have marital problems, do not think children will fix it or have children is so true. Children do add pressure on a relationship in ways like sleep deprivation, defining parent care responsibilities, inevitable compromises and various other things. As husband and wife we deal with all this, including having a long distance relationship put in the mix as well. Respect, trust, communication, support and honesty are just some of the blocks we use to make it work, and we do.

It is not easy, and when like yesterday, mom leaves on a Saturday morning, daddy becomes grumpy, and here I have so much empathy for single parents (full-time), it is not easy! As a person we need to think of ourselves as well in order to be of value to others, if you break yourself, bend backward, as they say, you will inevitably also fall on your ass, and the whole house will come down on you. At times I do not, especially when it comes to eating correctly, leaving me with low energy levels towards the end of the week, when mom luckily steps in (usually) and dad gets a break of sorts. I say of sorts, because I find that having to be a single parent at times, I am usually so switched on when it comes to our son and his doings, it is tough to let go completely, even if it is mom.

This does create another difficulty and here it is me that needs to learn to switch off a little more. I am getting better at it, slowly. One also has to accept that mom is tired, working hard and also still needs support and understanding. Maybe she can write an essay one day on her feelings about being a mom at work.

My point is that in relationships with kids involved and one parent becoming a prime caregiver, you need to have strong fundamentals and be brave enough to accept and enjoy the others successes, and make them yours as well, applicable to both sides. For a single parent it takes real bravery and courage, to my mind, to open up to a new person in order to set those blocks in place for a stable relationship to grow in, always having to weigh the risk against the effects it may have on the children. Real courage.

I am just putting my thoughts on the table, something I have been thinking about over the last couple of days. Agree, not agree, that is up to you.

Our Favorite Type Holiday

[caption id="attachment_428" align="alignleft" width="338"] First in, Last out![/caption]

We love going on holiday in secluded spots where we can do our own thing. Some of the reasons why we like it, includes being able to spend quality time together, our love for the open spaces, love for nature and for the first 14 years we had a German Shepard, our first baby, who, I am proud to say, went everywhere with us, except for 2 weeks of her life. She died of a stroke in my arms, while in her bed, next to ours. Gone, but never far from our minds.

One of these places is a farm near the town of Bethulie in the Free State province of South Africa. The farm-house was ours for the duration, the owner having another house on another part of the farm.

From this base we visited attractions, like the reserves in the region, but mainly stayed on the farm, relaxed and took long walks, looking for birds, plants and animals.

Bethulie, about 20 km away, is a small town, with lots of history in South African Boer War, being the location of a large concentration camp.

Bethulie The area is also mainly summer rainfall area, we visited in Spring, after the cold frosty winter and before the real rainfall started. Places like these are so special to us. You leave your home with music and excitement, and when you arrive, your ears ring, because they are used to all types of noises, but after a few days, the ringing stops, and its replaced by birds and silence. Recovery has started, call it rehab for the soul if you like. At the end you go back, slightly sad, humbled and quiet. We rarely play music on the way back, rather keep talking and listening to each other and the fun experiences we just had. I will finish the post with more photographs, but no words, just enjoy!