A Full Moon...

It is now 4.30 am. I have been awake from 3 am. Times like this I miss my wife.

I do not know where this comes from, he did not cry or anything, just suddenly found myself watching a monitor with a "wide awake" 13 month old. I fumbled and stumbled my way down to his bedroom, took him out and dragged myself back to bed in the hopes that he would fall asleep again.

No chance, talking and smiling. I even got a kiss, which felt like kiss of death (of sleep), so daddy got up, changed diaper, gave him something to drink, made coffee for myself and off we go on another day. I choose to look at this positively, long-term. Early morning nap, early afternoon nap and hopefully fairly early night.

It is full moon after all!

Hopes and Dreams, Boys and Toys

You would wonder how I get to this title, but hopefully, once the story is told the title will be logical. Today, Boeta got his first Duplo starter set.In my day Lego blocks was a dream and well not nearly as advanced as it is today. Our son is not 1.5 years old yet, but I have rarely stayed with target ages and usually buy things for an older age, feels like better investment. The choice was made on the boat starter as we were looking for something new in the bath as well, but it will find its way to play area soon enough as new additions are added.

So first job was to unpack the new "toy", which is done with great interest.

He quickly figured out the sound of a rolling Lego on tiles is different, so some throwing ensued, after initial attempts to build failed without help. He did realize they stick together, but will only with time develop the skills to actually build them.

Daddy is obviously excited over the new move, as it brings a second chance for me to actually also play with Lego's, we are boys, never too old! Another person came to mind, the moment I saw the Duplo box. The "real" first boy in the extended family and the only other male of their generation in our family, my sister's boy, his nephew.

He is approximately 23 years older than Boeta, and developed to be a wonderful, exceptional young man, qualified engineer with strong family bonds, especially with his sisters (2 of them), parents and grandparents. As an uncle, I find that not only am I proud of him and what my sister achieved with her children, I am also hoping that one day, my son will have those same values.

A dream of ours would be that they, nephews, would keep contact, even if there is a big difference, because I would not mind him being a "hero" to our son, a reference point. You see, we are no spring chickens, and by the time our son reaches his 20's, well we may not be there anymore, or pretty slow, to put it softly. Off course our aim is to be there until he is at least 30, but life has its own plans, we can just try our best to stay with it.

Below the two nephews meet for the first time. The pictures were taken by my brother-in-law.

Finally, how do I then come to the title from Duplo? Easy, Boeta's nephew collects the advanced Lego models, it is a passion of his. I cannot wait to get to a little more advanced stuff with my son, too, looks like fun and given the fact that mom has a very much engineering type mind, and his obsession with figuring out how things work at this age, he may just love the Lego's in his future, nevermind what he decides to become or does as a person one day.

13 months today!

Another month has rapidly raced past us, and unbelievably so, our little rascal is 13 months old, born about 25 minutes ago, from typing the post (6 am, June, 4).

My first thought is for my wife, who is in Mozambique at the moment, but coming home, later tonight. The picture of this post is a Lithops plant endemic to South Africa and it has 2 bodies representing me and Boeta, giving her a flower. You are what make us a family, mom, we miss you and love you.Walking

It has been a month of walking, and it created much excitement for all three of us. Such a great achievement. Boeta has the idea that he can now outrun us and loves playing games where he dodges us, laughing all the way. Walking means falling too, and we have had our share of this, but the lesson of get up and try again is also prevalent in our house. He has a bump on the forehead, nearly gone, to show this. Yesterday he got the first opportunity to walk in and out over what is an uneven sliding door frame to the deck. Usually I take his hand for that bit, but he felt so proud, he did it again and again, just to show that he could.

Destroyer

Another big shift this month was the destroyer becoming less destructive and showing first signs of a builder. He mostly wants to stick things into each other, like the cups, balls or rings, but have given the blocks a go as well. His frustration, I think, is the fact that he cannot control the placement well enough, and after a try or two, he eventually throws the block in frustration.

Space

As he got more mobile I increased his space to the point where he now has the bottom part of the house and the living room, leaving the kitchen and part where the steps go down. We are using "nanny panels", which is interlocking frame for a playpen to close off those 2 parts, mainly because I am still working on the kitchen and for the steps as I said. I saw some bad reactions to people using "playpens", until I realized that this was small squares or camping cots, and not what I meant. Once I have installed the gate of the steps, the kitchen will be the only truly supervised area of access. He gets used to items within the areas he plays and therefore shows much less interest in them.

Over-protection

We are first-time parents, we will only have 1 child and we waited 17 years. Those 3 statements will inevitably lead to over-protection, and who can blame us! We will have to learn to let go more with time, but we will never be the type of parents to just sit back and let things happen. Being a boy, he will give us enough to worry about as he explores and rampages. What is important, is that we do realize we have to balance, especially now that he is running around.

Our son is charging ahead and we are proud of him. We thoroughly enjoy being parents and try to continuously evaluate where we are and what we do, in order to support and guide our son. We do make mistakes and we accept it.

Postcards from a traveling Mom.

I have just returned from a 7 day work trip. This time not far,  just to another city in our country, but when you are away from home, the distance does not really matter, except that you can get home faster in an emergency, if you are closer.

As you would have realized, if you have read my husbands posts before, I have the most wonderful and supportive husband who looks after our one year old on a full-time basis,  while I work full-time. Every now and then I am reminded of  how lucky I am to have him around.

This week I had a conversation with a colleague, who as a single parent who also travels for work and have to rely on a live in nanny to look after her toddler. She told me that she is about to fire the nanny as she came home every day the last week to a toddler with soaked clothes. Her daughter has regressed a little with her potty training  and she asked the nanny to just take her to the loo every hour and a half so that she does not have these accidents. My colleague told me how upset she was to find the child every night with every layer of clothing soaked through. I wanted to cry on her behalf. It must be heartbreaking to have to leave your child with someone, just to find out that this heartless individual does not give a hoot. So, although my husband and I some times have to deal with insensitive comments of people who does not understand our situation, we are very lucky that at least one of us can be the primary caregiver.

It is not easy to leave my family to travel for work, but it is what it is and for me to change jobs to find one does not require traveling, I would have to uproot my family and move to a big city, as there is not enough jobs around here for me, that would allow me to support my family. In a big city my son would not have the same quality environment to grow up in. I choose at this stage not to do so.

When I returned to work after my maternity leave and had to start traveling again, I thought that I would feel guilty all the time while being away, but this did not happen. Do not get me wrong, it is hard to say goodbye. Most of the time that I walk from the security check to the boarding gate, I struggle to hold the tears back, but when I board that plane, I remind myself that my job is to ensure that my beautiful son has food to feed him in his high chair, has a roof over his head and that we can send him to school and university one day. I am so grateful that I have a job that I love and a family that loves and support me at home.

Time to go and do some laundry so that I can pack my suitcase tonight. Off again tomorrow on the 6am flight. Until another time...

Creating space for a growing boy.

We started the week (Saturday) with frustration and tiredness. This started to reduce by Monday and on Tuesday, things picked up again and we looked forward to Friday, when mom comes home. The week has been the opposite to the weather, sunny and warm from Saturday to Wednesday, cloudy, raining and winter cold again to Friday, a week of lost and found, losing bottles, finding them, losing my mind and finding it again. It has also been a week of creating space for my growing son.

I used our nanny panels to block off some areas, but his play space doubled. It means we do not have enough blocks and some tile space is now open, but it must happen at some stage and after a month of walking, he seems to protect himself better, still a keen eye will be necessary.

The blue bin is used to add and remove toys for the day, also to teach him to put them away. He also loves playing with the earth ball. It is used to kick (dribble), throw and I try to show where mom is, when she is away.

Then the 80 + year chair gets to be pushed around again by another baby. He loves this, squeaking, as the old chair works its magic again.

Above, his favorite bottle, loaded with milk and tea, usually! So glad we did not lose it. He also loves sitting on his haunches, while inspecting and doing things.

What a week we had, we got new space to play in, learned all kinds of new lessons. For now, we are focused on MOM, she is coming home tonight. A mother's touch is definitely needed now and then, even for an active little boy and his dad.

Father's Day : 3 Quotes

I am keeping it simple today, by using 3 quotes to describe my thoughts. When I think of my dad, I think of countless hours of playing by the beach, walking in nature, discussions by the fire or any place opportune, laughter, excitement, unconditional support, strength, being an example, love, religion and many others. To this day, he is still all that and more and we still learn from him. So to honor him, maybe this quote:

"Anyone can be a father, but it takes a someone special to be a dad, and that's why I call you dad, because you are special to me. You taught me the game and you taught me how to play it right." - Wade Boggs

As for me, the last 12 months has been by far the most rewarding time of my life, in sharing our love for our son, with my wife and being a dad. This quote would give some insight:

"Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person." - Naveen Jain

As for my son, what would I love his little 12 month old brain to think? My hope would be that he would feel protected and safe, loved, able to express himself, confident to explore and free to laugh at any time. My hope is that he would echo the following one day:

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give a person, he believed in me." - Jim Valvano

It is truly an honor to be a dad, but I also realize that it is a lifelong responsibility, this my father thought me, and as I look at this blog and previous posts and the mission, it so reminds me of what we did together.

Thanks DAD! Love you!

First Letter to my son

Dear son,

I have this overwhelming urge to share things with you, but as you are still only 12 months old, putting it down on paper seems a better option.

[caption id="attachment_275" align="alignleft" width="300"] My son - 15 minutes after birth.[/caption]

Son, I am writing this while I am watching you on the baby monitor, sound asleep! Daddy cannot believe it is 12 months already since I first held you in my arms and nearly 2 years since the possibility of you came into being.

When I first saw you, when we went to the doctor, you were the size of a peanut, and I called you that for the nearly 8 months. You filled our hearts with warmth and love long before you took your first breath, times when you kicked or pushed my hand, when you still lay snuggled and warm in mommy's tummy. Even then I dreamed of the things we will do together, first bike, playing with the ball, fishing, hiking and so much more.

[caption id="attachment_270" align="alignright" width="225"] Midnight run - burping![/caption]

You must have been excited to meet us too, because you came a little earlier than expected, 3 weeks to be exact, but all fears that you were overeager vanished when you took your first breath and cried. This next part you will understand later in life, but that first cry was the most wonderful sound we ever heard and when we saw you, even though we did not know you, we knew, we will do anything to keep you safe and loved you deeply.

[caption id="attachment_268" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Rocking with dad before bed.[/caption]

Now that you have come to know us a little better, you should know that we are not perfect, and we make many mistakes, but we will always try to do our best and make decisions in your best interest. I know these decisions may sometimes seem "not agreeable" in the moment, but hopefully in future, looking back they will make sense. As parents we question ourselves regularly and re-evaluate constantly in an effort to make correct decisions and affirm our actions, and that is what parents do.

[caption id="attachment_272" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Playing dress-up![/caption]

When you were christened, I wrote this prayer for you (Translated from Afrikaans):

Dear God,
What a privilege it is to be a parent, we praise You for this gift You bestowed on us. Give us as parents the wisdom that in our task as parents we never will forget You and we ask for Your guiding Hand in the years to come.

Help us to be a good example to our son and to raise him so. Help us to make the right decisions in good and bad times and thank you for this little miracle, which just shows how much You love us as Your children.

[caption id="attachment_273" align="alignleft" width="300"] Just love this picture of my son![/caption]

To our son we pray as parents, never to let your light dim, always look to God in your life and He will light up the road ahead. Know Him in all that you do and He will strengthen you. Son, keep your eyes open, look around, keep the good close, discard the bad, keep a clear mind, be responsible. Do this so that you can always be proud of yourself, even if things do not go your way, remember God has a reason for everything.

You are our son and grandson, know that we love you dearly and even if you are far away on winding roads, you will always be just a daydream away for us. We are proud of you!

Amen

As your parents, we are so proud of you, first smile, crawl and now walking! You have achieved to so much in your first year already. You know the one thing at the moment that makes me warm from head to toe and want to hold you close for as long as I can, is when you come walking (penguin style) towards me with that big smile and outstretched hands. I really hope that as our relationship develops and you get older, you will always come to me like this, even though it most probably will be less physical and more of a more mental outreach.

[caption id="attachment_274" align="alignright" width="300"] Snuggling with mom.[/caption]

For now, my son, you love playing hide and-seek, chasing after the ball, toy inspecting, diving into your pool with a hundred balls and finding hidden stuff there, dancing while watching music on TV or dancing with us, snuggling with us in bed, reading (paging) your books, most especially you love mom's reading them to you and you absolutely love it when mom comes home with hugs and kisses. You ,most probably, will never remember these precious moments, I will never forget them.

After 1 year, I can unequivocally say, I love being a dad, but more importantly, I love being your dad.

[caption id="attachment_271" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Having fun - can anything be better?[/caption]

I cannot wait to share and see what the next year will bring!

Love
DAD

Mother

Today is Mother's day. This being the first official mother's day for us, it was special for all of us. I decided I had to do something special to "mark" this day and as a man, I can try to express the feelings of my wife, as well as our mothers best through poems and pictures...

My first and to be honest a regular discussion goes towards the mother that is not with us anymore, and I found this which I felt appropriate:



I was looking through all the pictures of the last 11 months and felt pride, love and honored to have been able to watch this unfold. Here is some of this with another part of a poem:

https://flic.kr/p/nhTWUy

Before I was a mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart-break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew something so small could affect my life so much.I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

https://flic.kr/p/nz6qaZ

https://flic.kr/p/nhTLoT

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

https://flic.kr/p/nhTLwZ

https://flic.kr/p/nhTSGe

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

https://flic.kr/p/nhU3ka

https://flic.kr/p/nxkYfE



I from a boy's point of view, this one say a lot, both for Boeta and me...



As I said earlier, such an amazing time in my life, to see and live the birth of a baby and yes a mother,

Who loves, whatever we boys do, has patience and gentleness. One soft word and all falls away, her laughter making our lives brighter, she has wonderful insight and wisdom. And finally as another poet says:

"In each human heart is that special corner, which only a mother can fill!" (K. N. Davis - some of it used in above paragraph as well)

https://flic.kr/p/nhTUud

LOVE YOU MOM! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

https://flic.kr/p/nzp6yY

 

 

What would his world look like?

Today is National Elections Day! Yes the 20th anniversary of our young Democracy.

As responsible citizens we voted but it is also important to create a culture in our house and example to Boeta that participating in elections is important.

I was thinking about my childhood and what I wanted to do, my dreams and where we are now. I thought about how things changed in my lifetime, so far, and wondered where we will be in 20 years from now, when he would be eligible for his 1st vote.

The world has gotten smaller in so many ways, it may not be that impossible to think that he may live in another part of the world, but before all that, he will have to grow up in South Africa.

As parents, today was not only about the immediate future but also had importance for the future country Boeta will inherit from us. This is our responsibility to him and ourselves.

[caption id="attachment_52" align="aligncenter" width="474"] What will the future bring?[/caption]

 

11 months today!

Time does fly! Feels like yesterday when we had to get up every 3 hours! Boeta was still just flopping around, rolling his eyes, figuring out what is going on around him and look at him now!

[caption id="attachment_2" align="aligncenter" width="474"] I am 11 months today![/caption]

He is crawling, for 2 months already, standing (while holding), although he seems to stand without support more and more and he is actively exploring everything in his sights.

Mom baked a cake for this occasion! He unfortunately did not get more than a taste, but still big day for all!

[caption id="attachment_19" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Tasting his Cake! Yumm![/caption]

All ten toes!

Boeta was born on the 4th of June 2013. He came as a surprise about 3 weeks early. Announced his intentions around 2 am in the morning.

[caption id="attachment_15" align="alignnone" width="298"] Last 3-d picture before he was born[/caption]

At 6 am precisely he was born, to a very proud mom and dad. And yes, we made sure he had all ten fingers, toes and everything else was where it is supposed to be. There was some concern about his lungs, being a little early, but that was dispelled on birth with a strong immediate cry, the most wonderful sound for any parent. It just wakes up a whole new world of emotions, very difficult to explain to the uninitiated.

[caption id="attachment_16" align="alignnone" width="225"] Here he is![/caption]