A Storm Blew In…

Last night, a few hours ago, various types of storms blew in from all directions. It is 3.30 am, and I am typing a post! I am doing this because it is fresh in my mind or is it because my mind is still fairly fresh? The obvious part of this story is the real cold front that reached us last night, and came in with a huff and a puff, strong winds, temperature dropped by 10 degrees C, but not much else so far. In Cape Town, there is localized flooding, some areas are getting snow, I expected more, but maybe this part is still coming.   Another storm came in the form of mommy. We were both excited, well, I was from early Friday, also anxious, because of the issues with all the airplanes in the world, you get nervous, and just want her to be back home. In any case, I think our 13 month son picked up on the excitement and also seemed to be excited yesterday. Mom arrived and I kept him awake for it, as she walked in, he came around the corner and froze. Mom, in tears and overjoyed, grabbed him, hugged and kisses followed. He was just stunned at the rush of estrogen in the house. After about 10 minutes, his little brain computed what had just happened and he suddenly started running and then came and stood in front of us, smiling and grabbing mom by the legs, ran away again, came back, same procedure. There is something else that happened, the family is back together, I am not a single parent anymore, I am a husband and a dad. To that end, a few thoughts. For a week, and this is very nearly every week, I make decisions around our son, suddenly another decision-maker is in the house. This normally is not an issue, as mom falls in with what is happening and we are fairly aligned with things involving our son. She does do things a little different, which is not bad, in fact, I think it is great for both the boys. Although there is a deep bond between the boys, there is the wonderful bond of "a mother and child", I saw that last night again and I just realized how important the loving touches are for him and me. I would not be surprised to know that a man developed the "King size bed". Not sure how many men get allocated 1/3rd of the bed in the bedroom, I know my dad always joked about that, but after sleeping alone, suddenly we are in the same bed again, takes some getting used to. She slept like a log on her 2/3rd, I slept 1 and half hours on my bit. I am not complaining, just saying. The best part is not having to be there all the time for at least 48 hours, giving me a little break, mentally, but this is also something to get used to for both of us, because mom need to realize that a toddler is busy, especially those little hands. I guess my point in this post would be that a traveling, working parent brings other factors into the equation. It is not just the bonding and giving parents and child a chance to bond again that is important, it is the constant changes in the household, between the parents and not to mention the growing and ever-changing toddler, what is good today, may not be tomorrow. We are lucky to have a 17 year start on our marriage, but still, it is a constant process of talking, understanding, compromising, making little adjustments within a fluid environment of being parents and spouses.

The Core of US...part 2 (Love)

My history with Struis Bay begin around 1994, when I went with a group of friends. I fell in love with Struis, the moment we arrived. I visited it a few more times, and on one occasion even invented "car trouble" to stay another day.

In 1995, I met a beautiful blue-eyed girl in my office, which I liked but did not think of any further as she was in a relationship with a friend of a work colleague. Later that year we met again at a function, and I gave her a lift to her vehicle, chit chatting all the way. When I got home, I told a friend, I met my wife in a tongue-in-cheek manner. I, again, did not pursue the matter due to the aforementioned condition.

This was a great time of getting to know self for me. I was coming from a 6 year relationship, and at that stage, I was in another on off relationship myself. This was to be an important time, for a boy was becoming a man learning and thinking about respect, love, honor, religion and many other life lessons through reflection and discussion with amongst people, my dad. I learned all about who I was and accepted myself and was comfortable with myself, recognizing where I could improve as well.

February 1996, I was not in any relationships, nor was she, so I asked her to an evening out. We had a great time, dancing and although she had a few suitors, I eventually got the nod, which also nearly did not happen, as I wrote her a letter, stating my intentions, which got lost behind a table (fell off) and she only got it 4 days later by pure luck.

I was in love and so was she. We loved talking and we spent hours doing that, nearly talked ourselves out of the relationship also, but by October that year we took the important decision to go on holiday together and it was at that point we both realized we wanted to get married. A few months earlier her mom was diagnosed with cancer, again, which was to play a big role in our eventual marriage date.

[caption id="attachment_806" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Pondering the future on the garden route lookout.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_802" align="aligncenter" width="474"] One of the big trees in the natural forests of Garden route[/caption]

My first job was to ask fer her parents blessing and I made a date with them on a Friday morning. They lived in Struis Bay at the time, so I left at 6 am, and drove the 2 hours, stopping at a petrol station to freshen up, nervously fumbling with my hair brush. On arrival her mom had breakfast ready, which immediately made me feel a little more comfortable, and I asked for their blessing. She made me promise to look after their only child and I told them that I know she was their most precious gift and so is also mine and still is to this day.

In the second week of November we were back in Struis Bay, and we took a walk to the beach, specific part, called "Skulpiesbaai", translated means "Bay of shells". I had the ring in my pocket, constantly checking, because if it got lost there, it would be gone for sure. At a point, I dropped to my knees and asked her to be my wife. She accepted and I was as happy as a clam, excitedly walking back to "break" the news, only then did they cry (mom and daughter) and to be honest I felt cheated that she did not cry when I asked...just a joke, she obviously knew about it all long before then.

[caption id="attachment_801" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Skulpiesbaai[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_800" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Skulpiesbaai[/caption]

We planned out marriage for the end of 1997, but as time passed, her mom got sicker and we took the decision to move the ceremony to 12 April 1997. This ended up to be a great decision as my wife had both her parents present, as did I, on our important day. Next to the day Boeta was born, the best day of our lives.

After our 2 week honeymoon, we ended again in Struis Bay for our last stop, visiting "our" parents as a married couple for the first time.

So as you can see Struis Bay is like the "flame of a candle", we keep getting drawn back to it and the "warmth" of its never-ending flickering light. The lighthouse at the point is not only a warning for ships passing the point of Africa, it is a beacon, a grounding point, to which we refer and come back to, every so often, the rock on which we built so much.

In part 3 (pain), we will continue the story.

Previous post: post 1 (Life)

The Core of US...part 1 (Life)

On the tip of South Africa is a place called L' Agulhas, and next to it Struis Bay. L 'Agulhas point is where the warm currents of Indian and the cold currents of the Atlantic ocean meet. It is also the place we call home in our hearts for many reasons.         

It is a place that represents love, life, laughter, bliss, intense pain, heartache, loss and all the other human emotions not mentioned. Our story begin approximately 40 years ago, for one of us, in any case, and got richer as time past.

Long before I knew my husband, I went to Struis Bay for the holidays every December and January. My dad hooked up the old caravan on to the 1965 Mercedes, and we started the 3 hour drive to our annual spot. The Merc was an old fin-tail model and I was highly embarrassed that my dad drove such an old car.

I though it was the ugliest car in the world and to this day I have not developed an appreciation for cars of that era.

The trip took us over the Helderberg pass from Cape Town, through the fruit orchards, apples mostly, of the Grabouw region, to a town called Caledon, in the Overberg (Wheat growing region). From here you turn off the main route and drive down to the coast.

We spend our Christmas and New Year in Struis Bay's caravan park. I remember the dances on Fridays and Saturdays, the little natural Harbour and the smell of fish being offloaded (Yellowtail in that part the year) and buying it fresh from the boat.

Lazing my days on the beach, the longest in the Southern Hemisphere of 14 kilometers, and how peaceful was the early morning or late afternoon walks on the beach, and yes a few holiday flings too.

My dad always booked our "spot" for the next year, the day when we left. It was always the exact same stand and many of our "neighbors" did the same, resulting in the same people coming back year after year. We always arrived when the caravan park was close to full and left when it was empty. It was always strange to get used to the hustle and bustle and once you get used to it, there was a sense of loss when everyone departed in the first week of the year. We always stayed until the middle of January. I only later (in my teenage years) came to appreciate the wonderful feeling of having the beach to yourself, doing my own thing and being able to be content with my own company.

In 1993, after my dad's retirement, and some family discussion, my parents decided to permanently move to Struis Bay and bought a plot and built a small 2 bedroom home on it. They moved to Struis Bay in 1995.

In part 2, Love, we tell the continuing story of our deep relationship with Struis Bay.

13 months today!

Another month has rapidly raced past us, and unbelievably so, our little rascal is 13 months old, born about 25 minutes ago, from typing the post (6 am, June, 4).

My first thought is for my wife, who is in Mozambique at the moment, but coming home, later tonight. The picture of this post is a Lithops plant endemic to South Africa and it has 2 bodies representing me and Boeta, giving her a flower. You are what make us a family, mom, we miss you and love you.Walking

It has been a month of walking, and it created much excitement for all three of us. Such a great achievement. Boeta has the idea that he can now outrun us and loves playing games where he dodges us, laughing all the way. Walking means falling too, and we have had our share of this, but the lesson of get up and try again is also prevalent in our house. He has a bump on the forehead, nearly gone, to show this. Yesterday he got the first opportunity to walk in and out over what is an uneven sliding door frame to the deck. Usually I take his hand for that bit, but he felt so proud, he did it again and again, just to show that he could.

Destroyer

Another big shift this month was the destroyer becoming less destructive and showing first signs of a builder. He mostly wants to stick things into each other, like the cups, balls or rings, but have given the blocks a go as well. His frustration, I think, is the fact that he cannot control the placement well enough, and after a try or two, he eventually throws the block in frustration.

Space

As he got more mobile I increased his space to the point where he now has the bottom part of the house and the living room, leaving the kitchen and part where the steps go down. We are using "nanny panels", which is interlocking frame for a playpen to close off those 2 parts, mainly because I am still working on the kitchen and for the steps as I said. I saw some bad reactions to people using "playpens", until I realized that this was small squares or camping cots, and not what I meant. Once I have installed the gate of the steps, the kitchen will be the only truly supervised area of access. He gets used to items within the areas he plays and therefore shows much less interest in them.

Over-protection

We are first-time parents, we will only have 1 child and we waited 17 years. Those 3 statements will inevitably lead to over-protection, and who can blame us! We will have to learn to let go more with time, but we will never be the type of parents to just sit back and let things happen. Being a boy, he will give us enough to worry about as he explores and rampages. What is important, is that we do realize we have to balance, especially now that he is running around.

Our son is charging ahead and we are proud of him. We thoroughly enjoy being parents and try to continuously evaluate where we are and what we do, in order to support and guide our son. We do make mistakes and we accept it.

Postcards from a traveling Mom.

I have just returned from a 7 day work trip. This time not far,  just to another city in our country, but when you are away from home, the distance does not really matter, except that you can get home faster in an emergency, if you are closer.

As you would have realized, if you have read my husbands posts before, I have the most wonderful and supportive husband who looks after our one year old on a full-time basis,  while I work full-time. Every now and then I am reminded of  how lucky I am to have him around.

This week I had a conversation with a colleague, who as a single parent who also travels for work and have to rely on a live in nanny to look after her toddler. She told me that she is about to fire the nanny as she came home every day the last week to a toddler with soaked clothes. Her daughter has regressed a little with her potty training  and she asked the nanny to just take her to the loo every hour and a half so that she does not have these accidents. My colleague told me how upset she was to find the child every night with every layer of clothing soaked through. I wanted to cry on her behalf. It must be heartbreaking to have to leave your child with someone, just to find out that this heartless individual does not give a hoot. So, although my husband and I some times have to deal with insensitive comments of people who does not understand our situation, we are very lucky that at least one of us can be the primary caregiver.

It is not easy to leave my family to travel for work, but it is what it is and for me to change jobs to find one does not require traveling, I would have to uproot my family and move to a big city, as there is not enough jobs around here for me, that would allow me to support my family. In a big city my son would not have the same quality environment to grow up in. I choose at this stage not to do so.

When I returned to work after my maternity leave and had to start traveling again, I thought that I would feel guilty all the time while being away, but this did not happen. Do not get me wrong, it is hard to say goodbye. Most of the time that I walk from the security check to the boarding gate, I struggle to hold the tears back, but when I board that plane, I remind myself that my job is to ensure that my beautiful son has food to feed him in his high chair, has a roof over his head and that we can send him to school and university one day. I am so grateful that I have a job that I love and a family that loves and support me at home.

Time to go and do some laundry so that I can pack my suitcase tonight. Off again tomorrow on the 6am flight. Until another time...

Wonderful Winter's Day

We awoke this morning with a mom in the house and perfect weather to add. So, naturally, we had to go walking and Boeta got a chance to play and connect with mom. Here are a few pictures of this walk.

Hope you enjoy your Saturday as much as we did!

There is a bottle in the story.

What a difference 36 hours make.

On Monday I totally focused on my recovery, sleeping whenever he slept, and spending time on fairly low impact activities, to give the back a chance to recover a little as well. I also went to bed fairly early, not worrying about anything and had a goodish night.

This morning, I awoke a new person, felt 10 times better. Played and read some stories to Boeta, then got all the normal stuff sorted and by 8 am he was asleep again. My plan was to try to finish the closing off of the deck, repairing the gate and adding netting on sides to assure him not falling through and hurting himself.

We went to the shop, when he woke, something he enjoys and found amongst other things fresh hot bread that just came out of oven. I am not going to let slip such a chance, and it was still warm when we got home. I helped myself, nothing like this I figure, but gave him a piece as well and he enjoyed it so much, came back for more, hmm-ing as he ate it.

I got going again on the gate, watching him playing inside through the glass, or was he watching me? In any case got it done and when finished, I let him have the space for a test run.

I think it is fairly obvious that it was a hit.

After his afternoon nap, we played some more, then took a walk down to the beach, had dinner and fun bath. In the process of playing, something caught my eye, his bottle, the favorite one I thought we lost on the walk, Sunday. I have no memory of that bottle in the stroller at home, or playpen, never mind how it ended up under the couch! None!

I was more than a little happy at the find. Showed it to him, he also got excited and we hugged! He is now sleeping! What a difference 36 hours make, from mental loss to feeling calm and at peace with myself, finding the bottle just enhanced it, cherry on the cake!

Gardening by the ocean

Just when you guys thought I am set in structure, I am adding another heading page called "Gardening & Hobbies".

Why? This is, or was at least, a great part of being me. I love succulent plants in particular. Aloe plants are the main focus for the garden, but the smaller succulents has become our collecting hobby.

For now, we start at the beginning. Our house had no garden, in fact there is very little going on in terms of gardening where we live, due to the ocean salty winds, which kills about anything a normal garden would see. Succulents on the other hand are growing for the most part, but also be garden weed, in terms of the local species.

In 2011, I set out to develop my garden.

10 Bags of compost went into that sand heap!

By the end of the year (2011), it looked like this.

By then I also developed the garden inside the yard, but that is for later. The main backbone is the aloe. I use various smaller plants, 99% succulents to color the image.

Today this garden has grown well and looks like this.

Some of the plants here include:

Aloe thraskii (Dune aloe)

Small one flowering in the corner is a seed grown Aloe maculata, then a few Crassula species and the midsize aloe is a hybrid branching plant.

Above is a Aloe ferox with smaller aloe species hidden all around. In the bottom picture is an Aloe lineata about to flower with Aeonium 'kiwi' as additional color and a fine Delosperma as ground cover.

My favorite aloe for sure, is the Aloe speciosa in the bottom picture. They turn their heads toward the sun, blueish in color and they have fantastic raceme (flowers), which this one is doing for the first time this year, cannot wait.

Again lots of smaller aloes, and various species of succulents grow around these main plants, creating more and more height differences.

This is just a quick introduction to another part of the our rumbling ocean living space. Doing a blog without including something that is also close to our hearts does not seem fair and true to who we are. We will do posts about our plants in future, which include near 200 species of aloes, succulents like Lithops and other living stones, crassula (Jade plants) and other.