Moonshine, Dolphins, Birds, Rocks and Walks

It occurred to us that we have not really introduced "our rumbling ocean" in pictures to you. We bought our house 2009/10, on the Eastern Cape sunshine coast. We fell in love with the region immediately as it reminded us of our other favorite place in the Western Cape province of South Africa, where I asked my wife to marry me.

We have a fairly nice view of the ocean from our deck, where we sit on every occasion we can, and we even give our son breakfast there.

[caption id="attachment_443" align="aligncenter" width="474"] View[/caption]

Our favorite thing to do, is taking walks whenever we can. I take our son in the stroller for as many walks as I can, when we have good weather, which is often, as he enjoys it and you will or have seen many pictures of him in the stroller.

[caption id="attachment_444" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Walking[/caption]

We are also lucky to have great big pods of dolphins frequenting coast, swimming up and down the coast, hunting, every day. This time of the year the whales also come down the coast and a little later we see them with their calves.

[caption id="attachment_449" align="aligncenter" width="474"] dolphins[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_450" align="alignnone" width="474"] Southern right whale[/caption]

We have a nice variety of bird life both at the coast and inland in natural protected forests surrounding us.

At night the ocean can become a little town by itself, as the squid fisherman with their strong lights come fishing, we have counted upwards of 60 boats at times.

In essence that is our rumbling ocean with a final note on the beach right in front of our house. It is not a beach, but rocky ocean front, that attracts many fisherman, but we luckily do not have a massive contingent of holiday makers near us every year, the beach is about a kilometer further away, making this a quiet place even in summer holidays. Here are some more pictures of that rocky coastline responsible for the rumble, sundown from the deck and moonshine.

Rotating between husband and single parent

Let's state facts first, my wife has a very demanding job, taking her away from home on a regular basis, but also meaning long hours when she is at home. I have actively supported, with pride, her career development, moving several times in the process for the last 10 years. Our closest family is 4 hours drive away and we have very few friends, long-term or close by, due to regularly having to move. We have a 12 month old son.

This is not a sob story, or a moan session.

I have always had the attitude, in making decisions, of taking all into account, usually we do this by doing a list of pro's and negatives, and once taken, I do not second guess myself, at least not if I did follow the process. Both being University graduates, a day would inevitably come that one of us would get a shot at progressing to a higher level in our careers, and this was destined for my wife. We were married 7 years, and taking the opportunity meant moving a 1000 km away from where we grew up as children, our family and friends.

I guess this was the toughest decision to take, but we took it, no regrets. It meant I had to do freelance, or projects that gave me flexibility, so at a stage I went into being an estate agent, when the market was very bad as well. We moved again and again, ending were we are now at the rumbling ocean, for the time being. The latest move, also coincided with her being at head office and having to travel extensively out of the country to other African countries and Asia.

Then came the news that after 16 years, we were going to be parents. And 18 months on, Boeta is already 12 months old. I am now a full-time daddy at home. I am lucky to have been prepared for being at home alone for a while, so I had no doubts that I would be able to handle the new addition, and I am.

From 4 months, when I took over as full-time dad, I set a routine, which evolved, but basically means that he gets up at 5 am with us, sleeps at 8 again, 1 pm and then anything from 7 pm, through the night. This was to create a platform for my wife to spend time with her son. Never mind the particulars of the routine, I find it helps even if she is not home, because it provides consistency, within which I can operate doing my other things like washing, cooking, building the kitchen (slow crawl to be exact) and other activities I need to do.   To my mind it creates two constants, me and a routine.

I use the TV (yes) as an additional helper, play prerecorded  kids education stories between breakfast and nap time (usually the period when mom leaves) and between dinner and bath time, the rest of the day kiddies songs or soft music are a constant, which I find calms him and although he seems to ignore it, he plays with and inspects his toys without much fuss, until the music stops, he immediately starts looking for me. This is not to say, I leave him alone, not at all, I am always either playing or doing things with him or in eye contact away from him. For us, me and him, it works.

The old saying if you have marital problems, do not think children will fix it or have children is so true. Children do add pressure on a relationship in ways like sleep deprivation, defining parent care responsibilities, inevitable compromises and various other things. As husband and wife we deal with all this, including having a long distance relationship put in the mix as well. Respect, trust, communication, support and honesty are just some of the blocks we use to make it work, and we do.

It is not easy, and when like yesterday, mom leaves on a Saturday morning, daddy becomes grumpy, and here I have so much empathy for single parents (full-time), it is not easy! As a person we need to think of ourselves as well in order to be of value to others, if you break yourself, bend backward, as they say, you will inevitably also fall on your ass, and the whole house will come down on you. At times I do not, especially when it comes to eating correctly, leaving me with low energy levels towards the end of the week, when mom luckily steps in (usually) and dad gets a break of sorts. I say of sorts, because I find that having to be a single parent at times, I am usually so switched on when it comes to our son and his doings, it is tough to let go completely, even if it is mom.

This does create another difficulty and here it is me that needs to learn to switch off a little more. I am getting better at it, slowly. One also has to accept that mom is tired, working hard and also still needs support and understanding. Maybe she can write an essay one day on her feelings about being a mom at work.

My point is that in relationships with kids involved and one parent becoming a prime caregiver, you need to have strong fundamentals and be brave enough to accept and enjoy the others successes, and make them yours as well, applicable to both sides. For a single parent it takes real bravery and courage, to my mind, to open up to a new person in order to set those blocks in place for a stable relationship to grow in, always having to weigh the risk against the effects it may have on the children. Real courage.

I am just putting my thoughts on the table, something I have been thinking about over the last couple of days. Agree, not agree, that is up to you.

Our Favorite Type Holiday

[caption id="attachment_428" align="alignleft" width="338"] First in, Last out![/caption]

We love going on holiday in secluded spots where we can do our own thing. Some of the reasons why we like it, includes being able to spend quality time together, our love for the open spaces, love for nature and for the first 14 years we had a German Shepard, our first baby, who, I am proud to say, went everywhere with us, except for 2 weeks of her life. She died of a stroke in my arms, while in her bed, next to ours. Gone, but never far from our minds.

One of these places is a farm near the town of Bethulie in the Free State province of South Africa. The farm-house was ours for the duration, the owner having another house on another part of the farm.

From this base we visited attractions, like the reserves in the region, but mainly stayed on the farm, relaxed and took long walks, looking for birds, plants and animals.

Bethulie, about 20 km away, is a small town, with lots of history in South African Boer War, being the location of a large concentration camp.

Bethulie The area is also mainly summer rainfall area, we visited in Spring, after the cold frosty winter and before the real rainfall started. Places like these are so special to us. You leave your home with music and excitement, and when you arrive, your ears ring, because they are used to all types of noises, but after a few days, the ringing stops, and its replaced by birds and silence. Recovery has started, call it rehab for the soul if you like. At the end you go back, slightly sad, humbled and quiet. We rarely play music on the way back, rather keep talking and listening to each other and the fun experiences we just had. I will finish the post with more photographs, but no words, just enjoy!

The good, not so good of parenting- vol 2

Started this earlier this week. Here is a link to the first post.

The good

For the first time, the whole story about his birth. At about 2 am on the 4th of June our son announced his intentions. We went to bed that Monday evening as expectant parents, not too worried, it was going to be another 3 weeks before we would see him. My wife actually still worked on that day and came home at about 6 pm.

Before I really knew what was happening, I was up standing next to her and she said, I "think" my water broke. She went to the bathroom and then came back and by now maybe a little shock or inability to understand, she said, "maybe I just had a big one, not sure". I looked at her and the surroundings and said, "hmm, no, I think your water broke." Here is the thing, at that point we were as calm as could be.

We phoned the doctor, who was asleep, but very understanding and she wanted to shower, so I made some coffee, started my computer, checked if everything was in-place, showered as well and we left for hospital. At this point she started getting contractions and asked me to drive slowly, which I did until we got to the highway, then pushed it to hospital. Still calm, wide-eyed, focused.

When I got to the hospital, I drove to the parking lot, closest to the main entrance and emergency entrance. This is where I cracked for the first time, I could not find the correct parking spot, must have parked 4 or 5 times, then moved parked again, now believe me when I say at 3.30 am the parking lot is empty. Eventually parked and wife got out walking strangely, something like a duck, to the main entrance, I would get the bags and follow.

She was about halfway there when some guy (security) came from nowhere and said no, use the emergency entrance on this side. The poor fellow was half asleep himself, so I had to call the unhappy ducky to this side, and I lost it a second time. Telling this poor guy precisely what I thought. I looked back and went to help my wife, guy was gone, looked down, up, guy back with wheelchair he must have got from the bushes, I never saw any when we arrived.

My wife in wheelchair, we went for the emergency entrance, he pushed, I had the bags. Got there, the poor guy could not get the door open, for a moment I thought he was going to break the glass, he asked me to take the wheelchair, clearly embarrassed, and proceeded to put security pin in, doors opened, no problem. My wife was crying at this point, I thought she was in pain, turns out she was laughing at the whole process happening before her.

So we went to the lift and he took us to the maternity ward, by then I was feeling guilty, and thanked him as I never thanked a person before, hold his hand with both mine. After being put on the monitors to check everything is good with mom and baby, I officially checked us in, and after some more room issues, I was escorted to a locker room to dress for the occasion and met my wife again in the delivery room.

Many asked on the way, have you got a camera and I told them, this is for my wife and I, not the world. I just believe that some things should be engrained in your brain and should only be shared with your partner, our shared personal moment forever, it will never fade.

The good of this story comes now. Our son took his first breath and cried, boy-oh-boy (tear in my eye), you cannot imagine the good in that. It resonates right into your deepest self, you hear it with your whole being, every grain and you feel such love. Amazing experience.

Then the worry starts, everything alright, all in the right place and so forth. I then left the room with our son, while they just made sure all was grand with my wife and we took his weight and length. This picture was taken 15-20 minutes after birth.

After spending some time with him, I left to phone the family, to tell them the news, and here I cracked for the final time, sobbing my way through the story with my parents on the line.

The not so good

Diapers mainly, not all, but while talking about the birth, feeling helplessly incompetent with that first bath. We had a nurse, assigned, to show us the ropes, and when she did it, she worked so rough to my mind with my son, protective instincts being charged 100%, I was blowing a little, but kept it inside. The next day, we had to do it, and fumbled our way through it with the nurse giggling, we felt like, what the hell are we doing with a child. This quickly changed luckily as we got more comfortable with bathing him, so remember, we all have to start somewhere.

Diapers, for the uninitiated, before those first occasions, you do not know how you would handle this part, but luckily a baby being breastfed, has soiled diapers with very little smell. Not an issue and with time diapers become stronger as they start eating, but we can handle this with no issues. It is really not that much of an issue, I promise.

The diapers that does really fall into the not so good category for me is the ones we get when he is getting new teeth. Firstly they are sour more times than not and secondly they cause rash quickly on that delicate bum. Not good for all concerned, enough said.

Face to Face...with an Eagle-Owl.

A while back we visited a raptor rehab facility near Addo. The birds and snakes they have are either injured or taken from owners, who cannot look after them. In many cases they cannot be released, due to imprinting. Sad as some of the stories are, we met this beautiful Cape Eagle-Owl.

He had a Spotted Eagle-Owl as a friend.

It was such a fantastic experience to be close to these birds. They are used to educate students at schools about owls and they are full of games as well. We were told that by afternoon they like chasing the minder around the big cage. We found them in a great mood for some attention.

The Spotted Eagle-Owl
He likes a scratch. My wife got a bit of a shock, when he decided its better to get the TLC in a more direct manner.

When he was not happy with this head-scratching he decided to gently ask her to move the finger another itch!

Yes, yes, much better...

The Cape Eagle-Owl

Our second eagle-owl did not really appreciate the attention given to his friend and decided it would be the best time to have a stare-down with someone or something.

He first tried me, then thought to have a go at the one-eyed camera lens.

Not satisfied with the lack of reaction, he decided to go at his minder and sure enough they had a good stare-down.

Goal achieved! Everybody is now certain who the boss is and he will allow a head scratch.

This was a great treat for us! We will go back next time we visit the area, just to look in on our new friends. I would rather see them in the wild, but on rare occasions like these, you cannot help but feel privileged for the chance to get really close and you walk away with a renewed appreciation for these incredibly beautiful birds.