The good and not so good - first 12 months

EATING

The good

We had problems getting him to sleep a few hours continuously at night, so we tried adding some food (rice 1st food porridge) to the mix from just over 4 months and tea (Rooibos tea). It actually helped and as time went on we added vegetables (one type for at least 3-4 days).

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He had no issues with any so the mixing started of various vegetables and a few months later we added chicken and beef. His milk was still the mainstay. With time the food became more complex and we had little issues with his appetite.

The bad

The bad part about eating came later when we started introducing more grainy food, not the smooth stuff. Every now and then a gag reflex would happen, and it could get really messy if he had already a good dinner behind him. I felt sorry for him, shame, but tried to teach him by coughing at such times, which he to his amusement replicated, and we slowly got this sorted. By 11 months the issue was sorted, with a rare happening a while back, and he now chews better as well. Still not a great experience for all concerned.

The good, not so good of parenting- vol 2

Started this earlier this week. Here is a link to the first post.

The good

For the first time, the whole story about his birth. At about 2 am on the 4th of June our son announced his intentions. We went to bed that Monday evening as expectant parents, not too worried, it was going to be another 3 weeks before we would see him. My wife actually still worked on that day and came home at about 6 pm.

Before I really knew what was happening, I was up standing next to her and she said, I "think" my water broke. She went to the bathroom and then came back and by now maybe a little shock or inability to understand, she said, "maybe I just had a big one, not sure". I looked at her and the surroundings and said, "hmm, no, I think your water broke." Here is the thing, at that point we were as calm as could be.

We phoned the doctor, who was asleep, but very understanding and she wanted to shower, so I made some coffee, started my computer, checked if everything was in-place, showered as well and we left for hospital. At this point she started getting contractions and asked me to drive slowly, which I did until we got to the highway, then pushed it to hospital. Still calm, wide-eyed, focused.

When I got to the hospital, I drove to the parking lot, closest to the main entrance and emergency entrance. This is where I cracked for the first time, I could not find the correct parking spot, must have parked 4 or 5 times, then moved parked again, now believe me when I say at 3.30 am the parking lot is empty. Eventually parked and wife got out walking strangely, something like a duck, to the main entrance, I would get the bags and follow.

She was about halfway there when some guy (security) came from nowhere and said no, use the emergency entrance on this side. The poor fellow was half asleep himself, so I had to call the unhappy ducky to this side, and I lost it a second time. Telling this poor guy precisely what I thought. I looked back and went to help my wife, guy was gone, looked down, up, guy back with wheelchair he must have got from the bushes, I never saw any when we arrived.

My wife in wheelchair, we went for the emergency entrance, he pushed, I had the bags. Got there, the poor guy could not get the door open, for a moment I thought he was going to break the glass, he asked me to take the wheelchair, clearly embarrassed, and proceeded to put security pin in, doors opened, no problem. My wife was crying at this point, I thought she was in pain, turns out she was laughing at the whole process happening before her.

So we went to the lift and he took us to the maternity ward, by then I was feeling guilty, and thanked him as I never thanked a person before, hold his hand with both mine. After being put on the monitors to check everything is good with mom and baby, I officially checked us in, and after some more room issues, I was escorted to a locker room to dress for the occasion and met my wife again in the delivery room.

Many asked on the way, have you got a camera and I told them, this is for my wife and I, not the world. I just believe that some things should be engrained in your brain and should only be shared with your partner, our shared personal moment forever, it will never fade.

The good of this story comes now. Our son took his first breath and cried, boy-oh-boy (tear in my eye), you cannot imagine the good in that. It resonates right into your deepest self, you hear it with your whole being, every grain and you feel such love. Amazing experience.

Then the worry starts, everything alright, all in the right place and so forth. I then left the room with our son, while they just made sure all was grand with my wife and we took his weight and length. This picture was taken 15-20 minutes after birth.

After spending some time with him, I left to phone the family, to tell them the news, and here I cracked for the final time, sobbing my way through the story with my parents on the line.

The not so good

Diapers mainly, not all, but while talking about the birth, feeling helplessly incompetent with that first bath. We had a nurse, assigned, to show us the ropes, and when she did it, she worked so rough to my mind with my son, protective instincts being charged 100%, I was blowing a little, but kept it inside. The next day, we had to do it, and fumbled our way through it with the nurse giggling, we felt like, what the hell are we doing with a child. This quickly changed luckily as we got more comfortable with bathing him, so remember, we all have to start somewhere.

Diapers, for the uninitiated, before those first occasions, you do not know how you would handle this part, but luckily a baby being breastfed, has soiled diapers with very little smell. Not an issue and with time diapers become stronger as they start eating, but we can handle this with no issues. It is really not that much of an issue, I promise.

The diapers that does really fall into the not so good category for me is the ones we get when he is getting new teeth. Firstly they are sour more times than not and secondly they cause rash quickly on that delicate bum. Not good for all concerned, enough said.

The good and the not so good about parenting - first 12 months

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We decided to make this a regular type post as a way of remembering everything. Have you noticed parents seem to get amnesia the older they and their children get? They seem to forget the not so good parts totally with age, which is totally understandable, I guess but interesting non-the-less. Early years especially! Most of us do not remember our early years, seems like nobody else (family) remembers it too.

We are not going to do best of or top ten scenario either, not fair in this context. Just mentioning a few things in our experience. Join in with comments if you like. It is a fun exercise.

The Good

One of the best moments to talk about is when you are about to put your baby to sleep or when he sometimes wakes crying and you pick him up and put him on your shoulder. In the first months this is seen as bonding and importance thereof has been written about, but as time marches on and we run around playing, feeding, bathing and all the other activities you do in a day, this becomes rare chances to take a breath.

Every now and then, within a day, you get the chance to sit in the rocking chair, with his head on your shoulder, falling asleep or being half asleep after he woke from a nap, and in that moment, all is quiet, you hear his calm breathing and you know he wants to be only there and nowhere else, his safe and warm place. You also do not want to be anywhere else, you cannot think of anything better - total bliss - you give him a little soft squeeze (baby hug). A truly special moment!

The not so good

If anyone tell you getting up in the middle of the night, multiple times, for whatever reason, was fun, they are liars! When the little alarm goes off, from the crib, you look at each other in the hopes that one would take charge. I am a light sleeper, so it usually ends up being me (shame), but mom does try to do her bit, to her credit, mentally charging herself before bed, and then when the little alarm goes, all hell breaks out in bed, with the duvet suddenly being airborne, mom charging off, halfway realizing she is going the wrong way, changing lanes, missing the furniture by millimeters, all before she really opened her eyes, saying as she nearly leaves the bedroom, "I'll go!", leaving me in pieces, cold and wide awake in any case.

While this is funny, in one sense, we were very happy when he decided to give us a break and slept through the night, around his 4th or so month. I should also mention that after ascertaining the cause of the unhappiness, being hunger, nappy, winds, sounds and so forth, we are right back at "the good"!