There is a bottle in the story.

What a difference 36 hours make.

On Monday I totally focused on my recovery, sleeping whenever he slept, and spending time on fairly low impact activities, to give the back a chance to recover a little as well. I also went to bed fairly early, not worrying about anything and had a goodish night.

This morning, I awoke a new person, felt 10 times better. Played and read some stories to Boeta, then got all the normal stuff sorted and by 8 am he was asleep again. My plan was to try to finish the closing off of the deck, repairing the gate and adding netting on sides to assure him not falling through and hurting himself.

We went to the shop, when he woke, something he enjoys and found amongst other things fresh hot bread that just came out of oven. I am not going to let slip such a chance, and it was still warm when we got home. I helped myself, nothing like this I figure, but gave him a piece as well and he enjoyed it so much, came back for more, hmm-ing as he ate it.

I got going again on the gate, watching him playing inside through the glass, or was he watching me? In any case got it done and when finished, I let him have the space for a test run.

I think it is fairly obvious that it was a hit.

After his afternoon nap, we played some more, then took a walk down to the beach, had dinner and fun bath. In the process of playing, something caught my eye, his bottle, the favorite one I thought we lost on the walk, Sunday. I have no memory of that bottle in the stroller at home, or playpen, never mind how it ended up under the couch! None!

I was more than a little happy at the find. Showed it to him, he also got excited and we hugged! He is now sleeping! What a difference 36 hours make, from mental loss to feeling calm and at peace with myself, finding the bottle just enhanced it, cherry on the cake!

Gardening by the ocean

Just when you guys thought I am set in structure, I am adding another heading page called "Gardening & Hobbies".

Why? This is, or was at least, a great part of being me. I love succulent plants in particular. Aloe plants are the main focus for the garden, but the smaller succulents has become our collecting hobby.

For now, we start at the beginning. Our house had no garden, in fact there is very little going on in terms of gardening where we live, due to the ocean salty winds, which kills about anything a normal garden would see. Succulents on the other hand are growing for the most part, but also be garden weed, in terms of the local species.

In 2011, I set out to develop my garden.

10 Bags of compost went into that sand heap!

By the end of the year (2011), it looked like this.

By then I also developed the garden inside the yard, but that is for later. The main backbone is the aloe. I use various smaller plants, 99% succulents to color the image.

Today this garden has grown well and looks like this.

Some of the plants here include:

Aloe thraskii (Dune aloe)

Small one flowering in the corner is a seed grown Aloe maculata, then a few Crassula species and the midsize aloe is a hybrid branching plant.

Above is a Aloe ferox with smaller aloe species hidden all around. In the bottom picture is an Aloe lineata about to flower with Aeonium 'kiwi' as additional color and a fine Delosperma as ground cover.

My favorite aloe for sure, is the Aloe speciosa in the bottom picture. They turn their heads toward the sun, blueish in color and they have fantastic raceme (flowers), which this one is doing for the first time this year, cannot wait.

Again lots of smaller aloes, and various species of succulents grow around these main plants, creating more and more height differences.

This is just a quick introduction to another part of the our rumbling ocean living space. Doing a blog without including something that is also close to our hearts does not seem fair and true to who we are. We will do posts about our plants in future, which include near 200 species of aloes, succulents like Lithops and other living stones, crassula (Jade plants) and other.

Cause and Effect

Writing this in order to get my mind totally clear. The last 48 hours had me against the ropes.

It all started on Saturday morning with mom leaving for the week. I was tired but fine, and when we got to the airport, she had to meet someone, and I went for our normal spot at a cafe, waiting for her, ordering our normal cappuccino and this time I decided on a breakfast as a treat for myself.

Boeta was with me, sitting peacefully in his stroller, I gave him a cookie and dived into my breakfast. I got a little annoyed with mom taking forever to return, but eventually she did with colleague in tow, obviously wanting to show Boeta to her. We saw each other at the same time, and she made a funny movement with her hand, I looked down, the little rascal stuffed his mouth and had a choke reaction, all over clothes, stroller and floor.  The timing was perfect. It has never happened before with those cookies.

I was shocked, embarrassed, frustrated all over again, angry, and felt like a failure in front of her colleague. She took him away and after cleaning as much as we can she changed him, but by then I wanted to leave. I wanted to make a few stops on the way back, but the effect was that I had to just drive home. At home, he was sleeping in the car-seat, softly lifting him out and walking round the car the alarm went off - he shook in my arms, wide-eyed looking around. I inwardly cursed that car.

I changed him and we now had to go through to as close to lunch as possible, if they sleep 15 minutes, it is near impossible to get them back to sleep again, once awake. So I put all the dirty stuff in washer, left the stroller for later, and focused on getting through the morning and afternoon. Effect of the alarm, baby first proper sleep was around 12 pm. Long-term effect, we could bath earlier, and he was asleep earlier.

Being in a teething period again he is continuously irritated and bites at anything. I realized I just tried to keep pace, I was tired. Saturday night he was uneasy, I got up 4 times, twice picking him up, and we both slept late-ish. This meant he would not sleep in the morning and I had to man up and take it. By 10 am he slept again and I followed gratefully, sleeping an hour myself. By one that afternoon all was going again, and after giving him lunch and his favorite bottle, I looked to myself for some sustenance.

While I was eating, he played in his pen next to me (half the living room). The tiled floor has a covering of rubber mats, those with the letters and numbers, for the cold and softer landing when he falls. He, unseen by me, got a letter and chewed on it, breaking off pieces in the process and the next moment, choke reaction again, rubber matting, clothes messed up again. I could not believe it.

This took the stuffing out of me, just finished cleaning the stroller, it happens again, needed to start all over, clean floor, son and mats. By 3 that afternoon I felt my face hanging, I needed to rest, I knew I had a whole week in front of me, so I tried to get him to sleep, no luck. So I broke down the 3 hours left into what I had to do, and decided bath first. This took me to 4. I needed to get an hour somewhere, so given the weather, which by the way suddenly turned from cold to spring, early summer type weather, the stuff that just cause the flu, I took him for a walk.

I gave him a bottle to chew/drink as we walked and because I was tired, I took it slow and tried to breathe myself. It actually helped a little, we got back, and by 5, I gave him dinner, but sitting down and feeding him, I just felt miserable and knew I had to get him to sleep, so by 5:50 he was asleep. This was way too early!

I took an early night, but again he was up and down and as a result of going to bed too early, he was starting to move, slowly waking from 3 am. I lay in bed listening but not moving, by 4 he was up and talking, meaning I needed to get up as well. I dragged myself to the kitchen got the bottle and then realized I am missing his favorite bottle - yes, he threw it out the stroller on our walk and I did not notice. I wanted to cry!

This is when I made the mental shift and decided this is going to be a long week, I need to get a grip. I know the unchangeable factors and the ones I had control over. I knew he would sleep earlier, round 6-7, so this meant an afternoon rest, and much better, a more routine day. I knew the cause of many things is my tiredness, and his attention seeking behavior due to my lack of usual interaction. He is 12 months old, he communicates with actions. He misses his mom, as do I, he wants more attention or at least communication which lacks when you are tired.

Gladly, by 6.06 am he was asleep in my arms in my bed, I moved him to his crib in his room and slept. Awoke by 8 am, still tired physically, but less mentally, and since then we have had a much more productive morning with another nap beckoning and another chance for me to recover a little.

I just needed to accept the facts and manage the controllable activities, to get out of the hole, I dug myself. In this story there are many examples of causes and effects. Sometimes it builds and builds, it just gets more out of hand. The lesson to myself, I need to recognize it, I need to take control of it, go through it, break it down and not let it take control of myself. Life is much better right now.

Moonshine, Dolphins, Birds, Rocks and Walks

It occurred to us that we have not really introduced "our rumbling ocean" in pictures to you. We bought our house 2009/10, on the Eastern Cape sunshine coast. We fell in love with the region immediately as it reminded us of our other favorite place in the Western Cape province of South Africa, where I asked my wife to marry me.

We have a fairly nice view of the ocean from our deck, where we sit on every occasion we can, and we even give our son breakfast there.

[caption id="attachment_443" align="aligncenter" width="474"] View[/caption]

Our favorite thing to do, is taking walks whenever we can. I take our son in the stroller for as many walks as I can, when we have good weather, which is often, as he enjoys it and you will or have seen many pictures of him in the stroller.

[caption id="attachment_444" align="aligncenter" width="474"] Walking[/caption]

We are also lucky to have great big pods of dolphins frequenting coast, swimming up and down the coast, hunting, every day. This time of the year the whales also come down the coast and a little later we see them with their calves.

[caption id="attachment_449" align="aligncenter" width="474"] dolphins[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_450" align="alignnone" width="474"] Southern right whale[/caption]

We have a nice variety of bird life both at the coast and inland in natural protected forests surrounding us.

At night the ocean can become a little town by itself, as the squid fisherman with their strong lights come fishing, we have counted upwards of 60 boats at times.

In essence that is our rumbling ocean with a final note on the beach right in front of our house. It is not a beach, but rocky ocean front, that attracts many fisherman, but we luckily do not have a massive contingent of holiday makers near us every year, the beach is about a kilometer further away, making this a quiet place even in summer holidays. Here are some more pictures of that rocky coastline responsible for the rumble, sundown from the deck and moonshine.

Rotating between husband and single parent

Let's state facts first, my wife has a very demanding job, taking her away from home on a regular basis, but also meaning long hours when she is at home. I have actively supported, with pride, her career development, moving several times in the process for the last 10 years. Our closest family is 4 hours drive away and we have very few friends, long-term or close by, due to regularly having to move. We have a 12 month old son.

This is not a sob story, or a moan session.

I have always had the attitude, in making decisions, of taking all into account, usually we do this by doing a list of pro's and negatives, and once taken, I do not second guess myself, at least not if I did follow the process. Both being University graduates, a day would inevitably come that one of us would get a shot at progressing to a higher level in our careers, and this was destined for my wife. We were married 7 years, and taking the opportunity meant moving a 1000 km away from where we grew up as children, our family and friends.

I guess this was the toughest decision to take, but we took it, no regrets. It meant I had to do freelance, or projects that gave me flexibility, so at a stage I went into being an estate agent, when the market was very bad as well. We moved again and again, ending were we are now at the rumbling ocean, for the time being. The latest move, also coincided with her being at head office and having to travel extensively out of the country to other African countries and Asia.

Then came the news that after 16 years, we were going to be parents. And 18 months on, Boeta is already 12 months old. I am now a full-time daddy at home. I am lucky to have been prepared for being at home alone for a while, so I had no doubts that I would be able to handle the new addition, and I am.

From 4 months, when I took over as full-time dad, I set a routine, which evolved, but basically means that he gets up at 5 am with us, sleeps at 8 again, 1 pm and then anything from 7 pm, through the night. This was to create a platform for my wife to spend time with her son. Never mind the particulars of the routine, I find it helps even if she is not home, because it provides consistency, within which I can operate doing my other things like washing, cooking, building the kitchen (slow crawl to be exact) and other activities I need to do.   To my mind it creates two constants, me and a routine.

I use the TV (yes) as an additional helper, play prerecorded  kids education stories between breakfast and nap time (usually the period when mom leaves) and between dinner and bath time, the rest of the day kiddies songs or soft music are a constant, which I find calms him and although he seems to ignore it, he plays with and inspects his toys without much fuss, until the music stops, he immediately starts looking for me. This is not to say, I leave him alone, not at all, I am always either playing or doing things with him or in eye contact away from him. For us, me and him, it works.

The old saying if you have marital problems, do not think children will fix it or have children is so true. Children do add pressure on a relationship in ways like sleep deprivation, defining parent care responsibilities, inevitable compromises and various other things. As husband and wife we deal with all this, including having a long distance relationship put in the mix as well. Respect, trust, communication, support and honesty are just some of the blocks we use to make it work, and we do.

It is not easy, and when like yesterday, mom leaves on a Saturday morning, daddy becomes grumpy, and here I have so much empathy for single parents (full-time), it is not easy! As a person we need to think of ourselves as well in order to be of value to others, if you break yourself, bend backward, as they say, you will inevitably also fall on your ass, and the whole house will come down on you. At times I do not, especially when it comes to eating correctly, leaving me with low energy levels towards the end of the week, when mom luckily steps in (usually) and dad gets a break of sorts. I say of sorts, because I find that having to be a single parent at times, I am usually so switched on when it comes to our son and his doings, it is tough to let go completely, even if it is mom.

This does create another difficulty and here it is me that needs to learn to switch off a little more. I am getting better at it, slowly. One also has to accept that mom is tired, working hard and also still needs support and understanding. Maybe she can write an essay one day on her feelings about being a mom at work.

My point is that in relationships with kids involved and one parent becoming a prime caregiver, you need to have strong fundamentals and be brave enough to accept and enjoy the others successes, and make them yours as well, applicable to both sides. For a single parent it takes real bravery and courage, to my mind, to open up to a new person in order to set those blocks in place for a stable relationship to grow in, always having to weigh the risk against the effects it may have on the children. Real courage.

I am just putting my thoughts on the table, something I have been thinking about over the last couple of days. Agree, not agree, that is up to you.

Our Favorite Type Holiday

[caption id="attachment_428" align="alignleft" width="338"] First in, Last out![/caption]

We love going on holiday in secluded spots where we can do our own thing. Some of the reasons why we like it, includes being able to spend quality time together, our love for the open spaces, love for nature and for the first 14 years we had a German Shepard, our first baby, who, I am proud to say, went everywhere with us, except for 2 weeks of her life. She died of a stroke in my arms, while in her bed, next to ours. Gone, but never far from our minds.

One of these places is a farm near the town of Bethulie in the Free State province of South Africa. The farm-house was ours for the duration, the owner having another house on another part of the farm.

From this base we visited attractions, like the reserves in the region, but mainly stayed on the farm, relaxed and took long walks, looking for birds, plants and animals.

Bethulie, about 20 km away, is a small town, with lots of history in South African Boer War, being the location of a large concentration camp.

Bethulie The area is also mainly summer rainfall area, we visited in Spring, after the cold frosty winter and before the real rainfall started. Places like these are so special to us. You leave your home with music and excitement, and when you arrive, your ears ring, because they are used to all types of noises, but after a few days, the ringing stops, and its replaced by birds and silence. Recovery has started, call it rehab for the soul if you like. At the end you go back, slightly sad, humbled and quiet. We rarely play music on the way back, rather keep talking and listening to each other and the fun experiences we just had. I will finish the post with more photographs, but no words, just enjoy!